How is the weather inside you?
There’s something about an eclipse and rumours of the apocalypse that makes a pile of clothes on a chair almost insignificant in the grand scheme of things,” I said to myself as I stared at the said pile of clothes scrambling for space on my office chair. A visual representation of the pile of chaos that the past couple weeks had been. But unlike Jackie Hill Perry states in her “Upon Waking” devotional, I am not abandoning this pile of clothes for greater joys, but for even more painful chores. And so, by sheer force of habit, I began judging myself for not having every square inch of my apartment neat and tidy and tucked-in. I’m just realizing I say similar things to myself about my body, but let’s ignore that shall we? In a desperate attempt to escape my unkept space and rambling inner dialogue, I opened Pinterest and came across this question, “How is the weather inside you?” And it knocked the wind out of me, no pun intended.
I sat with it for a while and realized the weather inside me was in fact a little turbulent. If we had a weather forecast on our foreheads, mine would read “mostly restless, with an 80% chance of exhaustion.” My period had just started, I was battling a cold, I was exhausted from the long work week and here I was, worried about a pile of clothes that would literally not matter if the world was ending tomorrow. Which it might be if all the rumours are true.
So I peeled my eyes away from the pile of clothes which had somehow become the bane of my existence, rolled out of bed, showered, made myself breakfast —a sandwich lathered with a tuna mix I learned from my mum and a warm cup of green tea. That was my little apology to myself and a simultaneous reminder that sometimes, it’s ok to tidy and tuck yourself in before anyone or anything else. I say sometimes, because I don’t subscribe to society’s current extreme centring of self. As Solomon says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything under the sun, a time to sow and a time to reap. I had spent all week sowing into my job, it was my time to reap. Reaping might looking different for you. For me, in this instance, it looked like becoming one with my couch in front of my favorite tv show, unburdened by the judgemental gaze of the clothes that were not dirty enough for the laundry basket or clean enough for the closet but just perfect for the chair.
I understand the appeal of having it all together. The clean apartment, the 5-year plan, a detailed to-do list, clothes neatly pressed and laid out for every office day, etc. I understand the appeal of being that person. I’ve chased that girl for as long as I’ve been a girl and still, she eludes me. We meet frequently in daydreams and lofty expectations but she looks very different in real life. Some days, she does have it all together and other days, her greatest accomplishment is taking a shower and making herself a tuna sandwich. And on both of those days, she is just as worthy. So, I take a brief pause from my daydream to truly ask you…
How is the weather inside you?
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Until next time, à bientôt!
With love, always,
—Queen